Making Decisions From A Place Of Fear

I saw this quote the other day, and it stopped me in my tracks. Memories of past decisions made from a place of fear washed through me and caught in my throat. It was painful. Honestly, even though I’ve done a lot of really hard things, I’ve made many decisions to do or not do because I was afraid.

It’s not the first time I’ve realized that of course. Understanding why I’ve done some of the things I’ve done, and making different choices has been a catalyst for my work as a coach who helps women rediscover who they are aside from being wives and mothers. The part that shocked me, was that it became crystal clear that I was still allowing fear to paralyze me in one particular area of my life: my writing.

My ability to express myself and convey ideas through words is the one thing I’ve always been relatively confident about. I’ve contributed a dozen or so articles to print and online publications, which is impressive considering I didn’t start writing professionally (getting paid) until I was 39, and have done it in fits and starts. But my dream has always been to write a book. To tell my own stories. To bare my soul.

And I’ve started…sort of. I’ve written some pieces that could easily be molded into chapters of a memoir; I’ve outlined another book idea that delves into the process I use with my 1:1 clients to help them uncover their passions and find more joy. But every time I sit down at my desk to work on either of these projects, I freeze. I can’t form a complete thought. So, I close the files on my computer, and put those projects out of my mind for weeks or months at a time. I tell myself that I’ve got too many other things that need my attention right now–things that I now understand, I’ve created to distract me from this work. It’s like I mentioned a few weeks ago, right? Always a new level of mastery to be had in life.

The fears haven’t stopped showing up. The having the fear stop me in my tracks hasn’t taken a hiatus. I’ve just gotten better at detecting my own bullshit, and understanding that if I truly want a crack at my dreams, I have to stop letting myself take the easy way out.

Christy xo

P. S. If you’re desperate to reconnect with YOU, find your passion, and stop feeling like “just a mom” I invite you to apply for a free clarity session with me. As summer approaches, I’m limiting the number of 1:1 clients I work with, and am only taking on 2 new people.
You don’t need to have everything figured out in order to have this conversation. You just need to be willing to explore your next steps.

Say Yes To YOU

For a long time I struggled with saying no.  I thought I should be able to do it all. I thought I should be an exuberantly willing participant in the doing of it all. I thought it was part of the job description. If you’re a woman living on this planet, you can probably relate.

Eventually I came to understand that sometimes, saying yes to me meant saying no to something or someone else, and that’s okay. Wanting time for what’s important to me doesn’t make me a bad person or a lazy parent; it makes me human. And being that this is my life and all, it’s sort of my responsibility to do the things that are important to me.

So, I set about mastering the art of saying no. I practiced a lot, and I got better at it (mostly.) But over time, even though I felt a huge sense of relief from taking a lot of things off of my plate, I still didn’t feel like I thought I would feel.

I kept wondering what was going on…I was saying no left and right, I had more time, but I still wasn’t saying yes to ME. 

Whoa. That realization hit me hard. Because if I’m honest, the one area in my life where saying no was easy, was to myself. I had been saying no to myself for so long that it had become a habit, and little by little, it was stripping away the things that made me me.

The next thing I had to learn was how to say yes to me. Yes to things I didn’t necessarily feel worthy of; yes to things that scared me a little bit (or a lot.) I wish I could say I’ve mastered this, but it’s a work in progress.

I have post-it note on my desk with this reminder to myself: sometimes no keeps sane, other times it keeps you safe (but not in a good way.) Say yes to YOU.

Christy  xo