The Struggle Is Real

In the land of social media and newsletters, its customary to share all the fabulous things in one’s life…amazing treks around the globe, perfectly poised, brilliant children, and selfless acts of charity. I’m about to break tradition and tell you that I have been struggling.

For the last month or so, everything has just felt off, both personally and in my business, and I realized I’d fallen back into some old thought patterns. I had been questioning everything: Is this really what I’m meant to do?  I had been doubting myself: What makes you think you can pull any of this off?  I had been comparing myself to other people in the coaching world: Why is it so easy for her? 

With all the personal development I’ve done, all the therapy and coaching I’ve had, and all the growth I’ve experienced, I really thought I had mastered the mindset stuff. Like forever. But I’ve come to realize that it’s not like there’s a switch you can flip, and never experience doubt or question your abilities ever again. Believing in yourself and moving in the direction of the life you want to create are skills that you always have to work at mastering because most of us don’t default to “I’ve got this.” Following your dreams is not for the faint of heart, doll.

One of the things I tell my clients is that you can’t feel stuck if you’re taking action, and I decided that I should probably take my own advice. I don’t have to have everything for my whole life figured out. I’m doing what I feel called to do right now, and as long as I’m in alignment and taking action, the path will unfold as it’s supposed to for me. I don’t need to worry about a timetable, what comes next, or what anyone else is doing.

Can I get an amen?

Christy xo

Gratitude Vs. Appreciation

One of the tools I used to use with my clients was to help them develop a gratitude practice. This would generally be something simple like ending their day by writing out three to five things they were grateful for. The idea behind this practice being that many of us are very future oriented, and tend to focus on what we want but don’t yet have. Living in this mindset of lack, day in and day out can really make your current reality seem pretty blasé at best.

I believed in this tool because in my own life, I found that taking the time to be present to and acknowledge what was already pretty great, (and putting it in writing even though it seemed kinda cheesy) literally changed how I experienced my life without actually changing anything.

But then I realized that there’s an important distinction between gratitude and appreciation.

Gratitude allows you to recognize the blessings you have in your life, whereas appreciation brings more of an awareness of the importance something (or someone) has to you, the value you place on it, and what the absence of it would feel like. In other words, appreciation is that much more real and tangible.

Gratitude is a great jumping off point, but now I like to help my clients cultivate a practice of appreciation. I truly believe that’s where an amazing life begins. <3

Christy  xo

 

Uncertainty and Inertia

I am a person who thrives on certainty. I need to know how things work and why. I require a plan before taking action. And I’m a huge fan of trial runs, just to work the bugs out.

It’s not surprising that certainty is a big theme for me…it makes total sense given the fact that there weren’t a lot of things I could count on as a kid. I never knew if my mother was going to be drunk or sober when I got home from school. I never knew how long I’d be living in the same place. And after I was placed into foster care, I never knew if the family would keep me.

In order to feel any sense of certainty, I had to be resourceful and create it for myself. So I devised routines and rituals for myself; little things like arranging the bedroom I shared with my brother a certain way, setting my place at the table with my favorite fork, and wearing the sweater my grandmother gave me with the same pair of jeans. Those seemingly insignificant things (that I’ve come to recognize as slightly OCD) kept me going. They allowed me to keep moving forward.

I realized that these days, I’m not so resourceful. I get stuck, and can easily let uncertainty force me into a state of inertia.

Inertia: the resistance an object has to a change in it’s state of motion. 

But here’s the thing: If we’re guaranteed anything in life, it’s that there will be thousands of moments of uncertainty. Big moments, and little moments. And try as I might to plot, and plan, and test things out so I know exactly what to expect, sometimes it will be all in vain.

What I figured out though, is that as long as I move forward in the face of uncertainty, I can’t lose. Will I mess up? Sure. Make mistakes? Yep. Need to change course from time to time? Absolutely.

Despite all of that, moving forward will always get me somewhere faster than standing still.